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Tuesday, July 21, 2009

A Loner … A Loser !!














Loneliness ...

I have never spent time with myself...

I dont go into those introspection states when one talks to oneself...

I somehow never got anything out of talking to myself... or thinking about past events (partly the bad memory to be blamed) and ... I have always hated and feared being alone...

Yes ... I fear being alone .... not that i get scared or frightened of the ghosts or shadows ...

I am just scared of the feeling of loneliness which also gives the feeling that u r no longer needed...

and thats what i hate ... i hate that fear and i fear that feeling of loneliness ... of not being wanted ...

And as fate would have it .... the things i hate and fear have to figure in the scheme of things and say 'hi' to me every now and then :D

So here I am .... alone ... away from home ... away from family and friends ...

moreover ... friends ... best friends have drifted away ...

being hopelessly hopefully optimistic ...

i do expect them to come back and include me in their life and let me include them in my life ...

but till then ... here i am ... alone !

a loner ... a loser ... (just a small difference ... )


(the above feelings became especially prominent during the long 3-day weekend which i had. I whiled away my time watching TV ... i realise i need to shake myself out of it ... hope i am able to do so sooon ... )



2 comments:

  1. havent u made any new frnds there?

    ReplyDelete
  2. Not really !! I have one colleague with whom I can talk ... but then ... still miss my best friends and family !

    ReplyDelete