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Saturday, May 23, 2009

Angry Words and 'I am feeling Stupid'

We often don't realize how much words can hurt ... especially the words spoken when one is angry. There is no thought applied to the words. The only thought applied is probably that of hurting the other person to the maximum possible extent which is probably again a protective measure so that the other person cannot hurt you back.

Words said in anger can be extremely piercing drilling a thousand holes in the heart of the person who is subject to your wrath. Things said in a fit of anger have the potential to break relationships completely ... or cause irreparable damage ... Things said in a fit of rage not only hurt the other person but also have the potential to scare the other person so much that it can have an everlasting (negative) impact on the relationship which can be pretty difficult to bridge / plug.

Some relationships do survive such incidents, not because the words of anger did not cause that much damage. No. The damage is very much there. In fact, if the words in anger come out from a person extremely close to your heart, they can literally rip u apart and completely destroy you. Some relationships survive such incidents only because they are way too strong and both parties can forgive (and try to forget) the incident. Both need each other's relationship / friendship and both understand that the words said in a fit of rage are not really a reflection fo the feelings of the person in anger.

I have been through some such incidents. Very recently, with two of my best friends

One incident happened in January and I have not heard from my friend ever since. I dare not contact my friend coz the words that were spoken that day have not only hurt me but scared me completely. I am scared even to talk to my friend. I am not sure if I will ever get to talk to this friend of mine and even when I do get to talk .. will i be able to talk ?

Another such incident happened today. I did something that upset my friend and then an angry email exchange took place. Now I am on wait mode here too. I am scared again, not scared to talk to her but scared that I might lose my best friend. I dare not make an attempt to talk to my friend now cos i might just cause the flames of anger to rise more. I will wait and hope that after the anger has subsided somewhat my friend will talk to me.

Of course, by no means is the blame of the above phenomenon lies on the angry person only. Both parties are to be blamed to different extents. First for causing such a situation where one gets angry, then not being matured enough to understand that angry words should be best ignored (although that is humanly impossible I guess) and finally realizing that relationships are far more important than a few angry words or small bad incidents in life.

So here I am ... feeling absolutely lonely … intermediately chatting with a good friend of mine. But still …feeling extremely lonely. The absence (temporary/permanent) of my best friends feels like a huge gaping hole in my heart. The fact that I am being misunderstood by the one who know me the most is pretty painful. The thought that I might lose them is way to scary to express in words.

 
I am sad. I am hurt. I am scared.
And I am feeling extremely stupid.
For I am also to be blamed for the situation I am in.
 

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